New York, I Love You
(3 in half of 4)
Starring Natalie Portman, Orlando Bloom, Julie Christie, Shia LaBeouf, Robin Wright Penn, John Hurt, Chris Cooper and Bradley Cooper. Various directors. 110 minutes. At the Cumberland. 14A
Only a city as narcissistic as New York, punch-drunk in love with its own image, could hope to pull off the conceit of New York, I Love You, a series of short films in search of a feature theme.
The fact that the idea only partially succeeds is proof of the difficulty of giving an urban environment top romantic billing in a film that’s really about spontaneous human interactions.
Part of a planned franchise known as “Cities of Love,” which began with the much more satisfying Paris, je t’aime, the film rises and falls by its premise of giving a dozen or so international directors and a brace of actors a chance to make short-and-snappy comments on life in the Big Apple.
The “up” ones hold our interest and pique our curiosity. Mira Nair directs Natalie Portman as an orthodox Jew torn by religious convention and by her own romantic leanings when a business deal with a diamond merchant (Irrfan Khan) shows unexpected sparkle.
Yvan Attal’s segment is split into two fast-moving segments: Ethan Hawke’s comically horny hustler tries to pick up Maggie Q’s streetwise siren, while Chris Cooper and Robin Wright Penn make their own negotiations regarding appearances and intentions.
The “down” segments include Allen Hughes’ sad mini-essay on romantic regret, as a disconsolate Drea De Matteo struggles to fathom her one-nighter with a younger partner (Bradley Cooper).
Sadder and definitely stranger is the episode helmed by Shekhar Kapur, who took over for the late Anthony Minghella (to whom the movie is dedicated). Julie Christie is an opera singer who arrives at a chic Manhattan hotel with the evident intent to kill herself. A limping bellboy, played by a very game Shia LaBeouf, somehow connects with a character played by John Hurt to turn this suicide plan into a surreal memory trip.
While many of the segments amuse, and rarely wear out their welcome (the average running time is eight minutes apiece), it rapidly becomes apparent that each of them has some kind of twist, like an O Henry short story.
The result becomes less romantic and more Pavlovian, as we watch the set-up and then wait for its inevitable overturning. The gimmick reaches its groan-worthy limit in Brett Ratner’s episode about a prom night beau (Anton Yelchin) who finds that his wheelchair-bound date (Olivia Thirlby) is full of surprises.
New York, I Love You originally screened at the 2008 Toronto International Film Festival, where it included a short directed by Scarlett Johansson that has since been excised, reportedly because it didn’t suit the flow of the film.
The whole enchilada was billed at TIFF as a work in progress, and that designation still suits the finished effort, which is at once as maddening and as enthralling as New York City itself.